I thought I found what I was looking for from the first time I used. I started using at 11 years old, smoking marijuana. I realize now that I just wanted to numb all the feelings I had. I really loved being high. I actively used various substances for 28 years. I moved from place to place and thought that different people, places, and things would “fix” my issues, but there I was. My disease ran my life. Every second, and every day with out any regard or concern for what it was doing to the people who loved me.

 

Getting and using and finding ways to get more. My whole life was engulfed with using as much and as fast as I could. Nothing else mattered to me during that time. I lived for and would die for the next one daily. I had been in and out of institutions and Hospitals and the streets. I was literally dead spiritually, and almost dead physically. I was homeless for 7 years with no hope of change or a future. My only desire was one more. The kids, family, homes, and cars; I gave up for the next one and the losses weren’t enough to make me want to stop. I started this journey with a moment of charity from a higher power I didn’t even acknowledge at that time, living on rock bottom.