“Try, Try, Try Again.” That was the name of a bedtime story I used to read to my kids about falling and getting back up. While teaching my kids about hard work, practice, and determination I was planting seeds within myself and together we were learning that we could accomplish more than we knew.
I didn’t realize how much that story impacted my own life until I came into recovery. For years I was a “chronic relapser,” a runner, I didn’t feel worthy of the gifts of the program. Staying clean, facing my fears, pain, trauma, and past was too overwhelming and I would always end up coping in the best way I knew how.
I’ve been to countless rehabs, detoxes, hospitals, and recovery residences, but I never gave up. I’d always hear the mantra from that story in the back of my head. I’d tell myself, “try again Michele.”
Back in 2019 Fellowship RCO opened their arms to me, and for the first of many times I walked into Respite. I always knew I was safe and loved in the arms of this amazing community. The program says, “Trust the process”. In the beginning, I couldn’t stand that phrase. I tried to control my life, and when it didn’t happen the way I wanted, or as quickly as I wanted, I would try to force it until I was exhausted and gave up.
My final stay at Respite was 99 days spent feeling safe and learning how to trust the process. I had finally learned to give my will to God and not take it back like I always did. I am so grateful for my miracle, I was home. The staff at Respite saw something in me that I couldn’t quite see in myself, and they loved me for who I was and lifted the clouds of who I thought I was so I could see clearly.
In September 2022, I finally earned my way back into Fellowship RCO’s Women’s Recovery Residence. I made my mental health and my recovery top priority. I started to work on a program with a sponsor, doing steps, following rules, and taking suggestions. I focus on being completely transparent with my sponsor, my mentors, and today I honor commitments and have integrity. This month I celebrated 18 months clean, and 1 year of employment at Respite. Today I get to give back what was given to me for years. My recovery pays tribute to all the friends lost, and I lead the way for the newcomer.
Recovery has brought me so many beautiful gifts including the relationships I get to have with my kids, which made the hard parts worth it all. Not everyone makes it back to “Try, Try, Try Again,” and I am so grateful and honored to be part of the Fellowship RCO community, and staff. I get to show others that anything is possible and that the skies are the limit from here.