Recovery In Full Bloom

Like most, if not all of us at Fellowship RCO, I am also in recovery. I am an alcoholic, and my clean date is July 25th 2017. For most of my life alcohol was not a problem until it became an issue that occurred gradually over time. I had suffered from some childhood traumas and some abandonment issues but got myself through college and law school and was employed as a corporate lawyer in New York City by the time I was 24. Unfortunately, this career choice was a major contributor to my alcoholism later in life. The job I had required a great deal of travel, meeting the company clients, and weeks at a time away from home. Of course, alcohol was part of that. Drinks with clients at almost every lunch and dinner and drinks by myself at the hotel bar at night because I was alone and in a strange place. That was my life for many years.

Then in 2001 one of the most significant events in my life occurred. I was at work on a beautiful Tuesday morning in New York City, when the building I worked in was struck by an airplane. I worked on the 67th floor of 2 World Trade Center. I was able to get out of the building, but lost 35 coworkers that day. My company survived and I survived but my drinking started to get out of control. I recognized that my drinking was starting to become a problem and went to some AA meetings, but did not seriously pursue recovery. I decided a change in location might help, so I bought a house in New Jersey and commuted to NYC but still travelled a great deal.

Then in 2012 the company I worked for was going through some business changes and offered me a buyout deal, which I gratefully took. I was excited as this would allow me to spend time with my wife, that had not been possible before, and travel for fun for a change. Unfortunately, drinking continued to be a part of this as well. Then in March of 2015 my wife unexpectedly passed away. Now I was alone, angry at the world, resentful of what had happened to me. For the next year and a half, I drank more and more rarely leaving the house, spiraling into such a state that I decided to end it. I called my family to say goodbye and to let them know what to do with my estate. It was then that my father suggested I go to treatment. I had never thought about that and told my father that it was a waste of time and money and that there was no point in it. He asked, “How do you know if you don’t try”. He then said, “If it doesn’t work you can still kill yourself later”. Oddly enough that made sense to me and so my recovery journey began.

So, I went to treatment outside of Philadelphia and after I finished their program, the treatment center thought I needed more and suggested I go to a treatment center in Ft. Lauderdale. The treatment seemed to be working so I agreed and came to Florida. When I finished that program the treatment center suggested that I go to a sober living facility in Florida, as they felt that if I returned to New Jersey, I would fall back on my progress. I decided I would give it a shot and went to Fellowship RCO’s men’s recovery residence. I knew that if I didn’t like it, I could always leave. I decided to try it for at least a month. It was the best decision I ever made.

Fellowship RCO gave me the structure and guidance I needed to maintain my sobriety. Though I was not thrilled about having roommates at 54, I hadn’t had roommates since college, that too was good for me. It made sure I didn’t isolate and pushed me to follow the program. I got more into my sober journey and when a position for a part time house manager became available at Fellowship RCO I applied. That eventually turned into a full-time position as a house manager, which I think I enjoyed more than any job I ever had. I was then asked if I would move into the finance area which I did. So much for the month at Fellowship, eight years later and I’m still here, and still looking to grow. I am a Certified Recovery Peer Specialist, and this year I hope to become a CRRA.

Letting go of the resentments and stopping the pity party for what happened in life are the best lessons I learned. Changing my thinking about what happened is what got me sober. Instead of being sad about what and who I lost, I am grateful I had them and that the memories continue. It’s about perspective and how I choose to view my past life and life ahead. I now look positively at things not negatively, and you know what. I am happy with my life, what I am doing, and who I am. Life is good.